ad perpetuam memoriam

02 Sep

Today is the day my mother died

though I lost her the day I was born

Found by a family

who tried their best to love me

for her

Being welcomed into this world

meant saying goodbye

I was born into emptiness

It became my friend

Always there when I needed her

and when I wished she would go away

It’s the dull ache of belonging

in the pit of my stomach

It’s the dizziness imagining who you are

and trying to answer why

It’s the scars on my heart left by loneliness

until love made a way

weaving together the unraveled pieces

of who I am and who you were

To be reconciled to our family

destroyed by the loss of you

as I lost you

the day you gave me away

Today is the day my mother died

but her spirit is alive in me.


Posted by on September 2, 2015 in Uncategorized


4 responses to “ad perpetuam memoriam

  1. judybeaucheminj

    September 3, 2015 at 6:24 pm

    So beautifully written, Erin that it brings me to tears. Yes, I miss my Josette so much and I’m so sorry you never were able to meet her in person. She loved you more than you will ever know. Yes, she does live in and through you and your brother and sister. I see her in each of you in a different way. A piece of me is gone, but we will be together again someday.

    • ebmaney

      September 4, 2015 at 8:32 am

      You are so right, grandma, we will see her again one day. I love our family and am so blessed to be loved in return.

  2. Dorothy Dickinson

    September 4, 2015 at 1:51 am

    Thank you Erin. You write from your heart with much love. The first time I was sent a picture of you I knew you were Josette’s daughter. You look so much like her there was no doubting. You are living a life she would be so proud of.

    • ebmaney

      September 4, 2015 at 8:31 am

      Thank you so much, Aunt Dorothy!


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